Women, the second sex?

' Why can't a woman be more like a man ? '


The exasperated cry of Professor Higgins in the delightful Hollywood musical of the 60s based on George Bernard Shaw's famous play "Pygmalion" is but one example, everywhere we look at, the phrases, the idioms, even the whole of the English language reflects it is a man's world!
The subject of reform is in the mind of every self respecting, well educated, rational mind.
But, let me remind you, a reform is not an end in itself, but, a means to achieve certain objectives.
Many issues in India are a taboo, though everyone faces it, they know intrinsically that as an individual it hurts them or perhaps someone close to them, but tend to take a complete U-turn when they stand amongst their society. It is like 'sex' everyone wants to do it, enjoys doing it (alright, not counting celibate people!) but, nobody is willing to talk about it openly, just because it is a taboo of our rigid society, which would continue to propagate unless we do something about it.

As any kid brought up in the 90s, I remember while watching a movie or TV show when something like a kiss or an ad about Condoms or any such thing came up I used to immediately leave the room, or look around in some other direction or pretended to be in some deep thought which I guess was the case with most kids of the time when in the presence of an adult, to curb our natural instincts, to be ashamed of something very natural for reasons not known to us.
Yes, agreed humans are social animals, they live in a society and abide by the rules and customs followed by it. But, let us not forget society and human socialization started as more of a need, for the sake of convenience and for a want of feeling secure. Since time immemorial, the society has taken prevalence over the individual beating its primary purpose, at the cost of an individual's own freedom of choice and opinion on various matters. Societal interference is important to maintain a stable environment, but, it should be limited.
Each society tends to follow the opinion of the majority or the dominant group as they seem to have an influence over the others, it may or may not be voluntary. The other part of the society which doesn't align with the former has its voice muffled. The biggest victims do not belong to a particular region, race, religion, caste, etc. They form a vital part of each of them, they are the 'Women.' The main issue, however is, can any nation progress while suppressing almost one half of its population?
Women have been abused since such a long time in the name of various excuses like terming them physically or intellectually lesser than their male counterparts or by subduing them in the name of religion. Most of the time they are used as a means to satiate a man’s pleasure. So much so that in countries like India and many other places on this planet they have come to accept male domination in various forms, often most of them are not even aware that they are victims of it. Even many religions or certain sects of them have termed the soul(female) and the Supreme soul(male) where the soul’s main objective is to merge with the supreme.
I don’t agree/disagree with the merging idea, but, I do beg to differ on the gender allocation!
(I mean “what” is the need to classify them?)
                                            
If we keenly observe it in our everyday lives, we can see it all around us. The most offending profanity in any language would have something to do with women even if it is being hurled on a man, crying is associated with women(trust me men cry more than women!), while a widow is not allowed to take part in any auspicious ceremonies, prohibited from anything and everything that has to do with colour. and live a simple life and do 'seva' of her in-laws all her life because apparently she is the reason for her husband’s ill fate the same is not true about a widower, the system of devadasi came up in ancient India where the most beautiful girls were often forcefully separated from their families at a young age to serve "The Gods" at the temples but, the priests could never explain the children borne by these women who were a victim of their own beauty. Education itself was limited to men, very few women were fortunate to have an essence of it, the rulers were mostly always men and in some rare cases like that of Razia Sultan, though very capable, her jealous male subordinates plotted against her to get her of the throne, the practice of sati was limited only to women, while polygamy was popular why was and is it not the same for polyandry? (Why should men have all the fun?) Why do men not wear a 'hijaab' or 'burqa'?
When two people marry why is it that mostly the man is supposed to be the more well to do of the two? Why is he supposed to be the older one? Why can't for a change the husband leave his house and move to his in-laws and also adopt their surname? Why can’t women have a bigger say in the biggest decisions of their life?


A working woman is expected to work and look after the domestic responsibilities as well while her husband just goes to work, comes back and demands some fresh coffee immediately ! In fact women bear the greatest burden of unpaid care work which includes cooking, cleaning, bringing up children and looking after sick family members, children and elderly. Therefore, their contribution (which can obviously never be measured by monetary value) is often looked over, almost always by calling the men, the breadwinners of the family.
The reason marriages have survived in India as against the rest of the world is because of women and their sacrifices. But increasingly many urban women (many of my friends included!) have lost this trust in marriage. They seem to be content with living their life on their own terms without all these botheration. Not that they are to be blamed, many of the above reasons are major contributors to this thought. They often end up in heart-breaking relationships which start with a ‘fun filled fling.’

There might be exceptions and all this might not be so common in very well to do families, but it certainly is very much prevalent almost everywhere in India for the majority of women. Taxpayers of India constitute only 2.85% of the total population, of which 76% are people who earn less than 5 lakh a year, so, if you are a woman who is working, independent and have not faced many of these issues you can very well conclude you are part of the lucky few in this vast ocean. The Child Sex Ratio(0 to 6 years) which is the indicator of the future sex ratio of a country in India is at an alarming 927:1000 according to 2011 census. Reasons again are very well known to us- preference for the male child due to socio-economic-religious views, while the boy is an ‘asset’, the breadwinner.... the dowry system makes the girl a ‘liability’(Did you know? Bombay was given as dowry to Britain when, Catherine of Portugal married Charles II of England), the lineage and inheritance of property runs through the male line. In fact, it is said one will attain ‘swarg’ only if his/her son performs the last rites. The Global Gender Gap Index - 2014 ranks India 114 of 142 countries (this coming from the contender of the title of the future world Super Power?) 
If all this inequality was not enough, women have to go through much more in a country where people worship deities as “Devis” women are treated as “Dasis” what is popularly known as the Devi - Dasi dilemma where a woman can’t really recognize what she actually is, on one hand her brothers, her children and grandchildren love her and respect her, on the other they are the ones who as a husband, or as any other man imposes his point of view on other women in society. Is she not someone else’s mother or sister?

When this doesn’t work out things turn ugly. Like in the cases of inter-caste, inter religion, love marriages, the now very (in)famous ‘Love Jihad’, even the mighty Khans of Bollywood were not spared! In Haryana where the Sex ratio is in its worst manifestation ‘Khap panchayats’ are known to sanction rapes to punish women. What would you say when they blamed consumption of  “Noodles” behind the growing incidents of rapes in the state, saying it leads to hormonal imbalance and this was for advocating lowering of the age of marriage for girls from 18 years to 16 years on the grounds that young girls are vulnerable to rape and should be married off earlier. (Wow, and I can’t even imagine what calamity awaits China, depending on when those hormones start acting!)

Acid attacks, rapes, groping, eve teasing the list never seems to end. Women are so conscious that even good men (like me! Oh come on I am not that bad) become victims of that perennial suspicion. It doesn't end here the concept of favours for promotions, the casting couch, the glass ceiling phenomena- where an invisible limit is set for a woman’s career above which she cannot rise in a company, known to be prevalent all over the world. Recently the Indian origin CEO of a world renowned, Software Giant was also under the scanner for making a controversial statement on the same. It is also evident by the pay-cheques of our actors and actresses. (Whatever happened to the ideal -  ‘Equal pay for Equal Work’?)

Following section between the lines is NOT for the FAINT HEARTED who are advised to continue after the second line. I just wanted to bring to your attention this little known fact.
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A very less known phenomena where a woman has to go through the worst form of physical abuse in the name of social-religious & cultural sanctions is, Female Genital Mutilation (FMG)
125 million girls and women alive today have been cut in the 29 countries in Africa and Middle East where FGM is concentrated.
It involves removing and damaging healthy and normal female genital tissue, and interferes with the natural functions of girls' and women's bodies.
Immediate complications- can include severe pain, shock, haemorrhage (bleeding), tetanus or sepsis (bacterial infection), urine retention, open sores in the genital region and injury to nearby genital tissue.
Long-term consequences- can include recurrent bladder and urinary tract infections, cysts, infertility, increased risk of childbirth complications.

The FGM procedure that seals or narrows a vaginal opening and needs to be cut open later to allow for sexual intercourse and childbirth. Sometimes it is stitched again several times, including after childbirth, hence the woman goes through repeated opening and closing procedures, further increasing and repeated both immediate and long-term risks.

In 2012, the UN General Assembly adopted a resolution on the elimination of FMG.
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Although very few families do recognize this problem and they would very gladly give their daughters that equal status in most aspects of life, yet due to the society and the conditions prevailing in it, they also are forced to curb these privileges which can be as small as not letting their daughters go out late in the evening, work or study at far of cities, asking them to dress modestly, not roam around with men who are friends, etc.
One of the major problems in India that a woman faces is sanitation specially, in rural India, where open defecation is the norm (actually the only option!) How does one expect a girl to go to school when no such facility is there? Even when the government takes note and provides one, who do you think cleans the toilets? No staff is allocated for it invariably the child belonging to the lowest caste and especially the female section of these children are the answers to your question. Sanitation related issues are also faced by women while travelling in remote parts of India(or for the matter of fact, in many of our cities too!) where the major issue is unavailability of toilets and sanitation facilities (trust me men can do it anywhere!) Have you ever pondered why historically (while most may snigger or laugh, this is a major issue) women from all over the worlds wore loose long skirt like clothes? Despite the weather conditions there stating otherwise. It is only later with the advent of modern public sanitation and toilet facilities did the jeans or other new forms of modern clothing become popular with the fairer sex!
                                          

While I agree a woman can wear and not wear anything if she so chooses to, but I really question it when they do it more for their career than out of their own choice. They are commodifying themselves. The recent ouster of the swimsuit round from a prominent beauty pageant and the ‘nude’ page 3 section of one of the most popular newspapers in the English speaking world is a welcome change and a good way to start. (No clue when it will begin in India!)

Hence the only solution that appears to me is slow, gradual, planned change by starting a socio-cultural revolution in the garb of an educational mission focusing not on imparting mere knowledge, but a basic holistic world view, an understanding for respecting the diversity in all forms, for all citizens of India. It shouldn't be forced, radical or revolutionary like in the case of initial years succeeding the French revolution or like in the case of setting up of a new concept of democracy in Central and West Asia, where people, as is basic human nature would resist radical change, it would lead to a failure, if not implemented correctly they may lead to serious consequences as in Iraq, Libya, Afghanistan, etc. the most recent manifestation the ISIS problem.

It should be more in terms of how India achieved its independence, when people understood what it was over a gradual phase wise effort, made over many years by the various reformers and leaders to educate the masses about it. That in fact is why Mahatma Gandhi was so successful because he had this understanding of how to involve the masses by highlighting to them that there was a problem which all Indians faced and to eradicate it they needed to join hands.

In the present context each woman needs to be educated from villages to cities, from the lowest to the highest level of the society and made aware of her plight, about the problems they faced historically and even now, that, they deserve a status no less than that of a man. As a child is closer to his/her mother than anyone else, with this she can equip this child to be a more sensitive and aware citizen who even if he grows up to be a man learns to respect other women. No amount of strict laws or punishments like Shariat laws, castration, death sentence, etc. have proved to be effective. In fact, more such incidences which are even more brutal continue to occur and like most issues in India with each bigger incident people get accustomed to it and any incident of equal magnitude fails to surprise them in the future sometimes such incidents become so common that it is accepted as a part of life. People go by the attitude 'what can we do? We can’t stop it maybe someone, someday will come and fix it.'

All these problems need no provocation each woman goes through one of these (and many more which I couldn’t list due to constraint of time and space) experiences once in her life, the magnitude however does differ. Irrespective of whether they have been through any of it or not I feel all women should participate and help others in need. They have to be Argus eyed and avoid being reticent. If you have faced an issue stand up against it, because unless you participate you will keep facing it and instead propagate it with your silence, further encouraging the culprits.

as Swami Vivekananda had once said:
"so long as the million live in hunger and ignorance, I hold every human a traitor, who, having been educated at their expense, pays not the least heed to them"

Your contribution need not be monetary or something very big, even a sum of small efforts of many can bring in a mammoth change!

This being my first blog post, I would love to hear from you (in the comments section) as I constantly look to enrich my own understanding with the help of your valuable perspectives and ideas on this issue and others to follow.
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