PhiLO(VE)osophy- The Middle way

Since, the dawn of civilized human society, "the middle way" has been the best solution to all problems and conflicts.

The birth of Buddhism was one of the earliest and widely known example of it.

Before the emergence of Buddhism, Brahmanical religion or what we today know as Hinduism had developed into a system of sacrifices and rituals which was dictated by the Brahmans (Priests) and Kshatriyas (Warriors) thereby, hurting the lower sections of the society both economically and socially. Especially, the Vaishyas (Merchants / Business Class) who, despite being economically sound were looking for alternatives to climb up the social order. Tadaa, Jainism as under Mahavira enters the scene and soon becomes a popular alternative. But, the strict adherence to the extremely difficult religious customs of Jainism was not acceptable to many.

Mr. Wise AKA Buddha enters the scene, gives it a thought under a Peepal tree.( Ficus religiosa.) Comes up with the "Middle Way."
No class/caste/gender bias, no sacrifices and no strict customs to be adhered. The USP was no extremes, everything was in the middle (moderation) i.e. no cravings & no aversions and hence became an instant hit as people could relate to it from their experience. Well, it's a different story that, Hindus clawed back by incorporating some Buddhist principles into Hinduism and even calling Buddha an avatar of Vishnu, slowly absorbing Buddhism in India, into itself. That's another story for some other day.

Coming back, Akbar (Din-i-ilahi, i.e. Divine Religion) was successful because of the middle way and so were Ashoka (adopted Buddhism), Guru Nanakji (Sikhism, majorly consisting of combined tenets of Hinduism and Islam.), Sai Baba and many more. They all chose compassion and understanding of different faiths and tried to assimilate them into a middle way acceptable to all. Taking in what was common and convenient for all. 

Indian democracy was successful because initially and even till date politics is not completely about pleasing one section of the society. (although it might have tilted towards some particular ones at times.) Neither the capitalists nor the working class, same goes for the upper and lower castes/classes or Hindus and Muslims. If a party has completely stuck to one of those, it has eventually had to shut its shop or later under duress modified its stand for mere survival.

Extreme stands have never been good for anyone. The best solution has always been between the two extremes. More like there are good people and there are bad people. You can't just label any section of the society based on nationality, religion, race, caste, gender or place of birth as completely good or bad. Or can you? In that case you have a flawed outlook.
Same goes for conflicts. Say two groups of individuals, have a dispute.



Only 2 possibilities exist in that case:

~ One dominates the other by mere strength physical, numerical or economical. But if both are equally headstrong, they keep fighting till they destroy themselves.

OR

~ Both act wise and opt for a middle way. This way both of them feel, they have won in some way and have not completely lost. Both are conciliated.

So where does the Love analogy fit in,  justifying the title of this post?

It applies to 'that woman.' She doesn't hate me, neither does she love me, a lot. (or so I assume) All she says is "I think, it might not work out." But, if she isn't serious about being with anyone in the long run, why not take the 'middle way' stand, on me, by giving me just a chance. If it doesn't work out, at least, I know she tried and I'll be satisfied that, I got a chance. Else, she will one day in the future inevitably have this thought that, "I could have given him a chance... maybe, life would have been different." Even I might be anguishing in the future that, " It didn't work out maybe because, I didn't give it my best effort, in expressing myself while convincing her."

Rest, she is wise enough to deduce what I intend to convey, if ever, she reads these posts about her.

Oh well, too much bull crap for one day. Hope this thing helps you guys in some dilemma. It is universally applicable in almost all situations, be it religion, social issues, geopolitical tussles, economic policies, personal problems etc. provided all the parties involved make a firm commitment to arrive at a mutually acceptable solution.

Dream, Secrets revealed – II

The story continues from @ Dream, Secrets revealed – I (Click)

She had come down, I wasn't ready yet. We talked about what not all... from a random friend who got his hair dyed blue, to she suggesting I get mine dyed blonde (I know, absurd!), her future plans, her sister's and brother's respective career plans.
It just kept on delaying and she kept asking, "Where is your cab? My folks are waiting."
I finally made up mind. We were standing under a short tree, on a dim lit street just outside the gates to her colony. Okay, perfect romantic spot! (sic) I had to do it, now.                            

Me: Listen, I need to tell you something.

She(smiled): Yeah, go ahead?

Me(deep breath): I have been trying to say this since a long while, I think I have feelings for you...
(I felt slapping myself, after being so sure, all that came out was "I think" and "like", when I was "very sure" that, "I Loved Her." To be honest, I was a nervous wreck at that moment.)

She was looking into my eyes. She smiled, I felt relieved. After so many years, I finally had it off my chest.
She looked away in the distance, still smiling. "I think I knew, that was coming.."

She turned her face towards me again.
I was totally perplexed. So many questions cropping up. I wanted to bombard her with questions. Yet, only one of them came out.

Me: You expected it?

And then typical Bollywood style, CLIMAX.
Enter: Heroine's Mommy, at the most important juncture of the movie.


Mommy Ji: "It has been so long since you left to see him off beta... I was looking for you, everyone at home is waiting for dinner." 

Then she turned towards me. I was still perplexed by her reply and lost in my thoughts, to realize that both mother and daughter were staring at me. Her mum-> serious, she-> obviously amused.


I managed to shove out a few words from my mouth, "Oh, I'm sorry aunty. The cab didn't turn up. You guys carry on. I'll catch an Auto-rickshaw. Good night!"

Both waved their hands to say Goodbye.


And I ran for dear life. For the one kilometer that, I jogged, I didn't look for an auto. My thoughts were focused, on trying to digest what had just occurred. Did her mom hear anything? Was that smile and reply that she gave, a positive sign? I still had so much to say, but it was unlikely that she would meet me before leaving the city.
I texted her, to give me a chance to complete what I had to say and then decide. She gave her affirmation, with an "okay."
(I know a very long post, but hold on, now that you have come this far. Just a little left!)
I then went for a night stay to a friend's place, he had a mini booze party on. I felt relieved like I never had, in so many months. Like all the crazy parties from the past, we got fixated on the just out, hit number "Baby Doll" watching Sunny on the TV screen, copying her moves, laughing our hearts out. Playing pranks. It seems one of my friend's friend recorded us dancing on his phone, I'm yet to get my hands on it. That night, I had my last peaceful sleep, something I would be deprived for months.

After two weeks and some measured prodding, it was not working out. We couldn't fix a common time to speak.
Finally I thought, I had to do something. I recorded what I had felt, how this all had come to happen and asked her to give me a chance. Turned out I had recorded 8 minutes worth of an audio clip. Oh well, I sent it to her.
After listening to it, she called me that night and started off with , "the picture you just sent, of the dish that you cooked for dinner, looks sumptuous."

(I can't put everything she said here. So, keeping it short.)

She: " that was one long clip you had sent to me. I've known you for so long. You have been one of my closest friends since a long time... I never thought... You know.. You know, I've been thinking about this for two weeks now. About what you said and how to respond to it.... " (She paused) " So, I spoke to the guy I am seeing right now. And I think it can't happen. It will never happen. I don't want you to be on the hook. So, are we still friends?"

So, sometime in between Mini-me was out of the scene and some Champak was the newest entrant in the movie. (all names mentioned are fictional !) And in my mind, I was like this picture right here.. "Nooooooooooo..." But, nobody could hear my mind.
It was a blow I had never expected. How many villains do I have to face in one Love story? Even Bollywood heroes don't have to deal with so many. A few weeks back, I had asked a common friend (same one who gave me the pep talk before I had confessed, two weeks back) to find out from her, if she was seeing someone, currently. So that, I don't end up in an awkward situation. She had denied any relationship to this friend. This either meant that she had lied to that friend or she was lying to me.
It kept ringing in my mind, ** Why did she have to lie? I would have avoided this.** Everything seemed to have come to a crashing halt.
I felt no anger, no sadness, no feelings at all. I was in a state of shock. Numb would be the word. ** How could life do this to me? **
It was between me and her.. Why did she drag Champak into it?  But, I had to hold on to myself. At least, till I was on a call with her.. I didn't want her to be hurt by my reaction.

Me: " Of course we are good friends. That relation predates this love for you and it will always stay. I guess, I missed the ever elusive Ted's * Window * again, when you were single. My bad. "
I feigned a chuckle.
" You know, right now I have mixed feelings.. It's something like, watching your Mother-inlaw drive off the cliff........ On your brand new FERRARI !!! "

She started laughing.. I cracked some more wise-arsed jokes, to make her feel better.
While I was myself, burning to ashes from within.
I told her about how I had made plans to come and surprise her on her birthday and how I wanted to propose to her there, but now I had to cancel the tickets. She was surprised when I revealed my elaborate plans and I still wonder what would've happened if, I had really executed the plan without this 'asking out business'.
She told me, her sister knew about my feelings and used to tease her about it, frequently. However, what she didn't know was, I had given many such deliberate, obvious clues not just to her sister, but to her too, since many months. Did it never occur to her? Did she deliberately play along? But, as ever I took her word for it. She could never do any wrong, is what my heart said.
And as if to rub some fresh salt on my wounds, she said, " We shouldn't speak anymore. At least for a while, you know....."

Me: "Will that fix things? Can you promise me that things will be back to what they were? That even if in the future, I unintentionally say or joke about something, you will not misunderstand that?"

She: "I can't say. It might never be the same"

Me: "Good bye, till I don't know when. Good Night... "

She: "Good Night.."

I disconnected the call.
I wanted to cry. But tears, they never came out. There was just pain. After that night I couldn't sleep peacefully for a very long time. She kept coming in my thoughts every morning and in my dreams every night. The most painful part was accepting all of this.
I had come to this city, taken up this job, the job which I had always loathed so that, I could earn enough to be with her. A software engineer... For this day?
I had to quit this job, I could do it no longer, because I took it up for her. I had to go for something else, something that I would love to do. For a greater cause. For myself...
I quit my job, shortly and left all social interaction in pursuance of what I wanted to achieve.

But destiny had something else in mind. She called, one fine night after months of Zero contact. I usually kept my phone off all day to avoid speaking to anyone. Only switched it on for 5 minutes each night, to see if someone left a text or if there was a missed call alert.
One such evening, I was down with fever and in the drowsiness caused by the medication, I left the phone on and fell fast asleep. In that sedated sleep I thought, I heard my phone buzz. But, I was too tired to get up and check.
There was a missed call notification when I checked it the subsequent morning. I tapped the screen and there it was, her name. Although I had stopped myself from trying to woo her, I had all this while remembered her each day, praying for a miracle. A sign that, could be interpreted as, it might work. If I got that, all I needed to do was put in my best effort to explain to her my perspective, albeit in a very benign, measured way.
I had got the sign, now.


                

To be continued**

The Recap part, was before the events of " A Dream within a dream, Inception? " and the rest of it was after that.

PS: She got the card after 2 months when she checked her mail box and even guessed that it was me(Okay, it was obvious that it was me.) She texted me to confirm her suspicion, "Did you send a card, choosing to stay Anonymous?"
I just joked, "Today is mother's day, why would I send you a card for that?"

She found that to be hilarious and replied, "Hahaha... LOL. No, I got a V-day card. Anonymous. It was you right?" I accepted the charges leveled by her.
We spoke for sometime and our conversations loitered to Victoria's Secret Lingerie (Okay, nothing Kinky!) and Shoplifting.
Yeah, I know, it's not just me who is crazy :P    I have company !
Just that, she only sees the many differences we have, not what we share in common...


I know one day you will realize, but I hope it's not too late for me.

The story continues @ Not just another Dream! (Click)

Dream, Secrets revealed – I

The story continues from @ A Dream within a dream, Inception? (Click)

It was the 7th of February, one week left for Valentine's day. I was posting a Valentine's Day card to a girl, for the first time in my life. I chose to be an anonymous admirer, who would be meeting her soon. I never believed in such things, never saw a point in doing this for a girl before... but exceptions are made for exceptional situations.
This was the first time, I confessed, about my love for her.

Recap :  Little over a year before the above event.

It had been more than two years since I had this feeling, but I didn't reveal it to her earlier. I was in a dilemma.
** Whether it had been, mere attraction to an old friend or was it something more? **

I couldn't have jeopardized our friendship if, I wasn't so serious so, I had to be sure. That's what made me keep it to myself, till then. My best friends knew I loved someone, but none knew her identity for a very long time. Moreover, she was with someone else back then, I didn't want to put her in an awkward situation. I was content with meeting her, getting some time to spend with her. Soon, she got her call letter for a job and moved out to another city. Till then I hadn't realized that, when you love someone or have something very important in life.
**you should never wait for the right time and the right situation. There is no right time or situation, it is always now.**

I guess, I learnt it the hard way...
Now, I was sure that, it was not mere friendship there was more to it. I needed to tell her before it was late.
A few weeks after she moved to her new city, I got my itinerary take a detour to her city while on my way back from a vacation with my folks, much to my parent's surprise and annoyance. I found out her office address from her and surprised her, in the middle of the street when she came out of her office...
She couldn't recognize me for a moment, partly because of my long hair and obviously she never expected me to be there in person, although I always joked I would be there to meet her one day.
Anyway, it took her mind a few moments to process everything, her eyes sparkled. I saw that familiar big smile on her face, but I had never seen her so happy before. She just leaped at me and hugged me tight. Holding her arms around my shoulders, she lifted her feet off the ground into the air, all her weight was on my neck.
As for me, I had never expected this reaction. I held on to her, lifted her and as if, it was a reflex, I turned around to complete a circle, like they do in the Bollywood movies. (Yeah lame, but that's how it was, I guess) Though, unlike the movies, there were no violins playing in the background. :P Only an invisible Mariachi band !

In those moments, I had forgotten where I was, who all were around us. It was just her and me and this feeling, that, ** everything I ever wanted in my life was there with me in my arms. ** I couldn't have asked for anything more from life, at that moment. Time seemed to have stopped, until I realized my neck couldn't bear her weight any longer and I had to put her down.
It was well past lunch time, so, on her insistence we walked around a mile over a flyover on the busy road to some small cafe(It was more of a Tea Place!) and ordered a glass of fresh lime soda. I still remember it like it was, just yesterday. She was pointing out at all the I-pills and condoms strewn on the road. (I have no clue, why!) And all I had cared about was cherishing each precious moment I had got spend with her.
In our myriad of conversations that day, she mentioned she had broken up with the guy in the previous city.
**Haan mann main ladoo phoota!** 
The waiter unlike the norm, handed the cheque to the lady. Even she insisted on footing the bill, since according to her she was earning now. So, it was her treat and I wouldn't want to contradict her wishes. :P
Too tired to carry on we decided to meet up the following day, which happened to be a holiday and to hangout together for a little longer.

For the next day, I had planned to give her another surprise, to confess about my feelings for her. It seemed to be the right time. I thought of taking her to a fine dining restaurant to make it special. Everything planned right to the last second.
Well, the next day, apart from being three hours late, she gave me a bigger  **surprise.** Turned out with Mr. Mini-me. (click on the link to refer to it) I decided to drop it for the moment. She never mentioned, she was seeing him and even me, being the ever optimistic fool, thought he just came along. (She did admit a week later!) I missed out on the "The Window" (if you didn't get it click on it)
So, asking her out was postponed, indefinitely, again. The day didn't have anything of much significance after that. But I had to wait for the events of "A Dream within a dream, Inception?", since she moved further away to another city.


Recap over: Coming back , to where we had left.
I had come back to the city chasing her. But before I was there, she got a project in some other city, like I mentioned before. So, I decided to take up a job to work my arse off,to earn and save every penny I could, to be able to give her another such surprise in her new city on her B'day and along with that, ask her out irrespective of what situation existed at that time. I had booked my air tickets, but the only two friends who knew her identity and the backdrop, then, advised me to meet her before that B'day surprise.
They said "it was too big a surprise and God forbid if it didn't go well, you would be in a different city, far off, without the knowledge of your family. No one you know, would be around. You should tell her when she is visiting her parent's and then carry on with the plan later. If her reaction is positive, she will be thriller bybtge surprise, when you decide to execute it."

I didn't want to listen to them, but I knew what they were saying had a lot of common sense.
So, here I was back in the city, which we both called home. After almost having resigned (okay, I just threatened my manager that, he wouldn't get many- no fuss overtime working morons like me) because my manager wouldn't approve my leave. He finally did get blackmailed, at the last moment. I had to rush to the airport the next morning caught in the city's (in)famous traffic snarl. I missed my flight, paid a fortune, got another flight ticket, because she would have left after her leaves were over, if I hadn't made it on time I would again be left without having confessed my feelings. It was difficult now, I had to tell her this time.
Now when I did reach home, much to the my parents' dismay, I just had a light snack and a bath and left home to meet her, immediately. I reached her place only to know that she was at the parlour and her mom called me over for tea. I went in, had a glass of water, gracefully declined the tea. A sudden feeling of guilt overcame me, I was about to ask this woman's offspring out, in a few minutes, wow!
I said goodbye, to her, to make a move towards the parlour. More guilt. Her brother turns up just as I was stepping out of the gate, wow, I'll be asking this chap's sister out in a few minutes.
I just made a wish in my mind,
** Dear lord, now please don't send her bapu(dad) too! **

That was, the only wish the Lord answered that day.(use wishes judiciously!)
I had to run to the parlour, it was late evening, we had little time before her mother's imposed curfew hours started. She was done with her hair cut and copper streaks. As soon as we stepped out on the street, her face lit up, she smiled and gave me a rather tight hug.
We went for coffee, followed by rolls, but I couldn't muster the courage to tell her. All my nervousness showed up in the photos we took that day and the obvious, worried expression I had carried all through the day. If it were any other random girl, I would have done it without flinching my eyes, the fact that she meant so much to me made it very difficult.

Her Mom called me,as her phone's battery had died. Curfew time was about to start. PANIC! We crossed the road and as always she was scared to do that and held my hand like she always used to, while crossing roads. We took an autorickshaw to her place. I couldn't have said all that in the brief autorickshaw ride, with Mr. Auto Maama staring at us from his mirror.
I was tense, ** Had I missed another opportunity? Did I just postpone it again? **

I was too nervous yet, I had to say it. It had been buried within me for too long. I had to let it out. It was either now or never.

Suddenly an idea occurred to me. I asked her to go up, keep her bags at home and come down to see me off, till the Cab (non-existent) that I had (never) booked came to pick me up. In the meanwhile, I called the first of the only three people who knew of her identity, to motivate me to say everything. My friend had just this to say, "No matter how it comes out, do it. Don't try to sound perfect. Just say whatever comes to your mind. Don't bombard her with I love you, the very first time. Best of luck!"

The story continues @ Dream, Secrets revealed – II (Click)