Fear: What it is for me...

Everyone has a 'dream', something they always wanted to achieve, something which inspires such passion, that nothing else matters when it comes to that. They would do absolutely anything and everything in their power to achieve it.
Without it they lose the meaning of their lives.

I had two such dreams. I realized one too late, and went in pursuit of it. And then I couldn't leave it, it dragged me along, I kept holding on to it. It meant my life to me. It became painful, exhausting but it also gave me a pleasure I had never experienced. Soon, it had become everything for me. How could I have, just left it after experiencing all that?

Even if I did let go of it, I wouldn't be able to forget it all my life because, I thought I hadn't given it my best effort.

I inspired myself to keep dreaming and to work hard to achieve it. Luck as others percieve it, cannot be relied upon.

Then what is 'luck' for me?

It is hard-work meeting opportunity.

I believed that, I could achieve anything provided I put in an effort. Giving, my best effort to whatever I planned to do.

No, the dreams were neither about money nor did they have anything to do with power. Those are things that matter to most people. Not me, those don't fuel my ambition. I care about humanity and love. Both, invaluable and un-quantifiable...

While being dragged along, I realized, I had another dream. It was equally important for me. I went on to catch hold of it, as well. The two dreams pulling me along different directions.
Till sometime I thought, I could manage holding on to both. I could foresee achieving one would facilitate me in achieving the other. Everything seemed to be working, as if, a greater being had planned my destiny, that I will one day achieve both my dreams. I was ready to struggle for it, take in any pain that life flung at me.

But, 'time' that bitch can completely turn the tide, to an unfavourable situation. Such power she ommands. 

Soon this pain started growing again. Tearing me apart. Both my dreams, slipping out of my clasp..
I felt the biggest tremor yet yesterday. My biggest failure in life, because it was also the first time I had put in so much effort into something.

I take it as a warning, for all is not lost yet.

Just when it seemed that life was starting to look up at me, after what I had thought was the lowest phase in my life till now. It showed me things could get worse. This won't deter me, each mistake I make, each step that I falter is a lesson to learn from. Preparing me for something worthwhile in the future, making me stronger. Nobody can set a limit to my life, I have the power to take control of it and set MY OWN LIMITS!

I need to take some difficult decisions. For holding on to either is difficult now. My biggest fear is achieving neither, while rigorously trying to pursue both. It is this fear that suffocates me. But, how could you choose between two dreams that matter to you the most?

I am not one of those who gives up easily, at least not without a fight! I'll put in my best and NOT just wait for a miracle to happen.

In life we shouldn't have regrets. It's not about winning or losing, it's about giving your best while you can.

I have put in more than a 100% for one of my dreams. So, I can not do anything more about it.

As for the other.... I think, I haven't yet given it my best. I'll not think about the fruits of my effort, for either. What is in my hands is to put a well directed effort.  I'll leave the rest to probability or some call him/her the Omnipresent.

I pray, may one of my dreams embraces me of its own accord and I give you my word, I'll fight destiny to achieve the other!

Amen...