The answer to Everything

The Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything...

NO!
It has nothing to do with the super-stupid, over hyped HGTTG or 42.
(The self certified Geeks would probably wanna assassinate me for this, my only request would be read this post completely and decide!)

The answer to everything or the directions of how to find the answer to everything lies within you!

Yes, the human mind and the body that contains it. Together they are supreme.

There are 3 types of Knowledge in this world:

1) One which we acquire by listening to someone and reading about something.
2) One which we acquire by just thinking, whether what we heard or read about complies with any logic.
3) One which is gained from experience.

I'll illustrate with an example--  As a child I was very fond of Milk (surprisingly most of my cousins and other kids I knew just winced at the sound of milk!). My mother used to get the milk packet, empty it into a vessel and boil it and much to my dismay, prolong my wait to let the milk cool before letting me have some.
When I asked why do we have to wait? She used to smile and tell me, "the milk has many small germs which die when we boil it and after that we let it cool, else if you drink it directly it will burn.". (Type 1 Knowledge) So on a cold winter evening after my mother was done with boiling milk she covered the vessel with a mesh like lid and left the kitchen as usual. Eager to have my daily share of milk a bit earlier that day, I sneaked in a stool from the living room clambered on to the shelf and upon seeing a big vessel full of milk, an excited 3.5 years old me gave it a thought.(Type 2 Knowledge) the air around the vessel is a bit warm and in this cold weather it feels comforting, how can this hurt me? Maybe mother doesn't know that, we can drink milk even without waiting.
I think you can imagine what happened next. I was 'enlightened' :P   Yes, complete with a halo around my head! (Type 3 Knowledge) and burns around one of my arms.


This is just a small example but isn't this something we all have been through, of course the magnitude and example would vary but the crux remains the same. Experience derived knowledge is supreme. We trust it because we, ourselves have felt it.

Likewise most of our problems in life the pain, the miseries, etc. are created within us. We create our problems and seek "the answer" to alleviate it from others. Others might try consoling us and give suggestions to alleviate our problems but that respite is temporary. The suffering, the anger, the jealousy, the greed, the lust and many other things get suppressed and is hidden from our conscious mind but keeps growing in our subconscious mind. Waiting for the right opportunity, like a dormant volcano building up pressure and finally bursting out in the form of a violent eruption.

Eruptions could be in many forms.. again examples.

1) When you have a small disagreement with someone over parking space, you are already tired after a long day at work and 1.5 hours of driving through the busy roads across the city before that, you had your boss shouting his head off, threatening to fire you if, you managed to miss the project deadline again in the future. Oh and your morning started with your spouse complaining that, you neither spend more time with him/her nor do you earn like his/her best friend's spouse who just bought an expensive luxury car yesterday, brought back surprise gifts each weekend, etc etc.
Now, your volcano is all ready to erupt! The disagreement on the parking space turns into a heated argument and in some time you start exchanging blows. If, the volcano is too violent it might lead to some serious injuries or even killing that person. (We read a lot about road-rage the world over, don't we?)




2) You had a pleasant comfortable life, you had good friends, things were smooth. You had problems but they seemed manageable. One day you realize you had started developing feelings for one of your oldest close friends. You get to know he/she is seeing someone else. You feel hurt. You think it is better to wait till he/she is single again. He/She mentions his/her GF/BF in conversations with you, you feel hurt again. You see them posting photographs on social media, Check-ins at different venues that you had once thought you would take him/her to, status updates, etc again you are hurt. You think it's not fair for you to reveal your feelings right now and ruin someones's relationship. It just doesn't seem ethical. The constant hope of a better future and waiting leaves you with many missed opportunities in terms of relations, friends, career, etc and you keep getting hurt and depressed all the time. Finally you get to hear he/she has broken up and you get all happy and excited make an elaborate plan to ask him/her out. But on D-day, alas, he/she surprises you by getting his/her brand new GF/BF and BAM you get hurt real bad. You wait. Same thing happens. Break-up, hopes up, elaborate plan, this time you ask him/her out without delaying it. You get turned down, he/she has already started dating someone again. This time all that hurt has created a hollow ground under you. Eventually the top layer just cracked apart and you fall into a very deep pit. Other aspects of life like friends, career and family so far ignored in this blind pursuit also seem to be in an irreparable state.

In the above two examples or any other situation be it rage, depression, jealousy or any other such emotion depending on the situation or a combination of more than one of those you realize, the origin of such situations are mostly not because of your own fault. They happened as a matter of probability/chance/luck, it was just random. We also know, there are other people who have greater problems and pain in life. Yet, each person feels his/her pain is the worst that, no-one can understand his/her pain.

Although, in our mind we also know that a part of that extreme pain however small is self-inflicted, because we keep adding fuel to fire, making it more painful. We crave for the things we like and we try to avert the things we do not like. Both of those act as fuels to our affliction. Our conscious mind is aware what is wrong and what is not it suppresses these for sometime. It shuts down when we sleep and takes rest in between. However, the subconscious mind never rests, it is always aware. It keeps recording what is happening all through our life. It never forgets. When you get some extreme emotions the subconscious mind takes over the conscious one and lets out whatever was inside in the form of undesirable words and actions.

There is a famous saying:

 "A person who can control his/her body (actions) is great, anyone who can control his/her tongue (words) is greater but, the one who can control his mind is the greatest."
It is because thoughts are the first to spring up in our mind subsequently, they get converted into words that we utter and finally when we think merely words cannot do the job, we try using physical actions. Thus, the key is to control your mind and take control of everything else as well.

But the problem is nobody tells us, "How exactly are we supposed to do that?"

Controlling your mind is actually training your conscious mind to take charge of the subconscious mind. Once you do that you are rid of all your problems. This is what our religions, philosophies world over term as enlightenment, nirvana, swarg, heaven, jannat, etc.

We all know that, each religion has some rules, teachings of their own, right? We also know that each one differs from the other in some way, at least. Have we all not wondered at least once in our life that, when all normal humans are the same they all feel pain, love, anger, greed, jealousy compassion or any other sensation, then why is there no universal set of rules, philosophies and teachings applicable to all and acceptable by all. Something beyond religion or laws of the land.

Something which not only tells us in words about what things are and how things are, something that is not just compatible to our logic when we think about it. Something that we all can experience and attain? Because like I explained earlier "Experience" is the supreme knowledge. It needs no further proof as we know it for ourselves having experienced it.

Scientists of ancient India the Rishis (mind you they weren't Hindus or of any other religious group as is often misrepresented) believed in this universal law of nature that they discovered. A law applicable to all, they found a method to experience it and realize it. The ideal law which punishes a person for breaking its rules while a law abiding person is rewarded. (the latter is nowhere to be seen even in the greatest democratic societies from the beginning of human civilization, till this very day.)

After venturing into some scientific discoveries and inventions these scientists realised all these new methods would make a human's life more convenient and comfortable, yet in turn these would create new unforeseen problems in the future. Something we all know from history and experience- The greatest example being the Industrial Revolution leading to global warming and frequent disasters we see mostly in tropical and subtropical countries, colonization, epidemics like swine flu, bird flu, ebola virus, terrorism, wars, geopolitical tussles, lifestyle diseases, economics- if China sneezes Peru might catch cold, problems of religious intolerance, drug abuse, male dominated society, rapes, etc any problem that a person faces from physical pain to mental agony. Are all of these problems not created by our own so called new inventions and discoveries directly or indirectly?

They found a method that could be followed by any mentally fit person whether he is physically fit or disabled. A method through which one could experience for oneself. It taught one to take control of one's subconscious and become its master. A solution for all problems, pains or miseries by becoming 'equanimous' to both pain and joy.

The answer to the creation. maturity and destruction of life, the universe and everything.
Sadly over thousands of years this method was lost and re-discovered again and again or sometimes it got modified into an unrecognisable form which obviously became non-functional. Call it destiny or the will of the unknown superior power who witnesses us and our lives, that this method was practiced by very few for thousands of years preserved and handed over in its pure form over many generations.

I, for one had gone through much pain and suffering. Somewhere within, I knew that I, myself had aggravated my pain. I kept telling others but, nobody seemed to understand the nature and magnitude of my pain and worse my pain never seemed to wane despite letting it out and sharing it with others.

I tried many routes to get away from it- initially alcohol(thankfully I never really liked the side effects so there was no question of getting addicted and I quit for good with some effort), keeping my mind busy all the time, meditation (Which for me was closing my eyes, sitting cross legged and focusing on some particular image/form/word in my mind), visiting famous shrines of various religions praying to the almighty to grant me what I wanted the most in my life, (seemed more like striking a biz deal with the Lord) I started doing good deeds and helping those in need in the blind hope that someday, someone might in turn help me get what I wanted. I also felt good when I helped others but it was not the only reason I did all that for, which was wrong.
Likewise I tried many things, nothing seemed to work and the pain kept growing with no end in sight. I knew I was crumbling from within, it had been a long time since I was denied, what I thought I rightfully deserved.

An unaffiliated and secular guru whose logic and wise words always seemed to make sense to me, one day just happened to mention that, "If in life, you think you have lost all hope and it seems that all doors are closed, try this method." He himself practiced it though, he was unqualified to teach it to me. Having tried many other things I blindly went by his word and learnt this method. Without consulting anyone else or researching much about it,
It worked better than I thought. I went to solve one big problem of my life and here I was gaping at a solution to all the problems in my life and in the life of everyone else who needed help. I am yet to get better at it. With practice I guess, I will gradually be rid of these problems soon.

I no longer pray (a better phrase would be 'strike a deal') to some almighty to grant me, my wishes, I put my best effort in what I want from life, leaving the outcome to probability/chance/luck. Winning or losing doesn't affect me. I still do pray, but I pray for the well-being of everyone because I'm also a part of everyone. I no longer do good deeds with any expectation. I do it because it makes me happy to help others and I know exactly why I want to help. Every action of mine from now on would be motivated by what I learnt from this method. I see this method if applied in the right manner as a solution to everything in life and I hope it benefits every human and animal alike. May all be alleviated of their miseries like I have been, may all feel the peace that I have felt, may all be rid of their unhappiness as I am being rid of it each day by practicing it. The answer to everything lies not somewhere out there, not in books or philosophies or the so called holy places one visits, it lies within "us". This method teaches us how to look for the answers.

So, if you have managed to read till here, you have been very patient. To learn it you need not spend any money. It is taught for "free" to preserve its sanctity.Yeah, even I was surprised when I got to know. It seemed too good to be true. If you are really serious about it and want to know more about it and where to learn it from, you can e-mail me.

tigerwhitethe[at]gmail[dot]com

As to 'Why' am I, not putting something so good which I want everyone to benefit from, here itself?
Well, I found out that unless you really need it, you might never be able to appreciate its true value. You will be one of those who will waste his/her time by going and learning it, and eventually out of laziness and disinterest discontinue it. Or perhaps just laugh it off. Which would be an insult to it. Also, I feel, the greater the problems you have, the greater the beneficial effect it has on you.

My advise if in case you decide to try it:

~ Till the brief period of learning it, is over, strictly follow whatever rules the teacher asks you to abide by. After learning it, you are free not to follow it.

~ Do not research much and go there to learn with prejudices. (I know it's hard to try something blindly without reading much about it online or asking others. Even I had the same feeling. But, it's worth it. Take my word for it.)

PS- It's not like you get a magic potion and you drink it to see the effects immediately. It takes some time and practice. It totally depends on you, yourself as to how fast it will work. Even I have just taken baby steps and still have a long way to go!
Also I have left a lot of clues for you to find out the answer. Some might have already heard about it or known of its existence. Don't worry if you didn't figure it out, I am always there to help.

I experienced nothing is permanent in life, except change and I found the path to my Peace and Liberation. And did you?

Do share your experiences if you have tried it out!

Good Muslim, Bad Muslim, the Real Musalmaan...

If there is a sin in this world, it is weakness; avoid all weakness, weakness is sin, weakness is death.
                                 -Swami Vivekananda

Empower yourself with knowledge and change your interpretation of religion and the world that surrounds you to something you, yourself can derive from your scriptures... Don't let anyone else dictate what is right or wrong. Judge a human for what she/ he is and not for what she/he looks like or what background she/he hails from. No religion preaches violence.

What does Muslim mean?
               Musallam- eemaan, jiska imaan har haal main kayam hai.

i.e. The one who is true to his/her faith in every situation....
Well, doesn't that make many of us Muslims in a way?

But, going by the title of this post, which one are you?

Now, I know this is quite a controversial topic. There has been much debate about the same in recent times. I'll try to bring a liberal Indian perspective to it. But you could count it as my own personal perspective.

Let me start by placing a few questions in front of you and subsequently I shall be answering them.

Why Pakistan was created?

             Power struggle between the Congress (INC) and the Muslim League(AIML), which had been propped up by the British to weaken the freedom moment with the aid of their Age old policy of 'Divide and Rule'. A divided subcontinent was conceived to be an asset for potential future Geopolitical maneuvers.
(for the inquisitive: read Spykman's Rimland theory, its application causing the conflict of North and South Vietnam, North and South Korea, driving a wedge between India and Pakistan, furthering the Shia-Sunni divide in West Asia, Afghanistan problem, Iraq issue the list has no end)
                    

The seeds of this policy had been laid down by Britain from the very beginning, right after the first effort of an united revolt by the Indians in 1857. Later adopted by the New Super Powers of the world.

Was it like this from the beginning?

             Well, for around 500 years, Muslim rulers ruled different parts of Hindu majority India and in those many years, no single instance of communal riots between the common citizens was ever noted to have occurred. The exceptions being a few minor conflicts in the beginning...during the consolidation of the new empire. People had accepted one other and a homogeneous tolerant society had developed.

On the other hand all the wars during that period were given a communal hue for political gains by the Rulers because religion was the common uniting factor and it gave spark to the suppressed emotions. So that, a soldier would even give up his life to save his religion, his God. In that era religion was very deeply ingrained in the socio-economic and political life yet, each followed his own religion without interfering into the other's. In fact, most wars portrayed as conflicts between Hindu rulers and their Muslim counterparts, had contingents of warriors of both religion ad other religions too on each side. (There are well documented evidences, but you need to take the pain of searching them.)

                    

Urdu, in fact, was born in India and along with the other unique forms of art and architecture is a fine example of Indo-Islamic cultural synthesis.

So, the Big Question.

Why did this Communalism start in India?

Communalism  is a modern phenomena, deeply rooted in the socio-politico-economic colonial structure. It emerged out of modern politics based on mass mobilization and popular participation.

If I have to put it in two simple words "Economic disparities." There might be many minor reasons which added to the cause, but this was the root of all the problem.

It all started in 1835… with the Declaration of Macaulay. It was about the introduction of "modern education" in India in English medium.( For the sake of cutting costs to increase profits of the East India Company. Services of the educated Indians would be a cheaper substitute for the high pay cheques of European Clerks.)

As most of us familiar with India, must be aware Hindus have castes within themselves, which are completely dedicated to education. They'll sacrifice everything for education like, the Kayastha (Scribes) community and Brahmins (Priests). For them education is the almighty, they will sell whatever they have, live in abject poverty and go through any hardship flung at them for the sake of attaining knowledge.

Hindus therefore welcomed the English medium education with arms wide open and subsequently got the government jobs in an age when there were no well paid stable jobs. The job shortage could also be attributed to the fact that, the Indian princes defeated by the British could no longer employ or patronize as many Indians, as they used to when they were independent and the murder of the Indian cottage industry to give impetus to the British goods.
This lead to birth of an enlightened, aware middle class in the Hindus as they were exposed to the new Western education, subjects and ideas of rationalism, humanism and scientific temper.. that had first emerged during the renaissance of the West.

           For any society to progress, this is the class which makes the greatest contributions. The lower and upper class have limited scope because there is either too less or too much at their disposal, for them to take an initiative. Coming back, the Muslims refrained from embracing this new revolution. So, the case so emerged that, they got no government jobs and hence no middle class was formed, leaving most(not all) of the Muslims out of the path of progress.

This might also have been a ploy of the Muslim elite to stay in power because if a well informed middle class emerges from within them, who would then pay heed to their words?
The Muslims would have had the capacity to think beyond and make their own choices. To add to this factor, the British were initially anti-Muslim in outlook right after the 1857 revolt as they held Muslims to be the main culprits for the revolt. (A stand they later changed to help their own cause by misguiding secular Muslims into radicalism and encouraging communal politics in Muslims.=  establishment of The Mohammedan Anglo-Oriental College and formation of All-India Muslim League)

This economic disparity gave spark to the conflict between the Hindus and the Muslims.
One fine example can be seen today in Syria, where most of the population are adherents of Islam, yet they have frequent clashes. The reason is that the economically and politically powerful minority (Shia) control the country of a majority (Sunnis). Similarly, in the case of the formation of Bangladesh out of Eastern Pakistan, the powers in West Pakistan had dominated the Bengali's of East Pakistan, treating the Bengali speaking minority population as second class citizens.

The previous two examples are just one among the many that prove religion is not the reason for the conflict. Conflicts have always been and would always be there, when one set of individuals try to impose or force their ideology on the other. While they should actually put their efforts in convincing the others about the merits of their own ideology in a positive manner.

It is just a bad coincidence that it is Muslims in Myanmar, India, China, Palestine or elsewhere who suffer. But any population being exploited have themselves to blame for their situation. If they accept knowledge and scientific temper as the supreme truth instead of listening to their orthodox priests and their radical ways whose main objective has always been to maintain their clout over the masses of their own community through violence instead of empowering the masses by encouraging productive, progressive education and work. All religions are plagued by this orthodox radicalization problem. In fact, those Indians irrespective of them being Muslims or not, who have embraced education and have abstained from orthodoxy, following their own interpretation of their religion are doing pretty well and are the reason behind the gap between say, India and other countries who got independence at a similar time.
Despite majority of India's population and regions going through innumerable problems related to differences from religious, linguistic, caste, etc and infrastructural bottle necks it has emerged to become one of the fastest growing economies when big economies like USA, China, Japan and Germany despite being strong are on shaky ground today. Can we not imagine if we iron out these petty and unproductive problems, we all could live in a much more peaceful environment, without fear... A peaceful, conflict free life is all that most people dream of and pray for.

What do I know about Islam?

Well, to be honest not much, but I think I have a sufficient understanding of its values. Everything Islam had in it's initial unadulterated form was good.(same for all religions when they began) In fact, they were the most progressive individuals around, when Europe and India were going through their respective, dark ages and stagnation by caste system. Arab Muslims were the people who learnt the greatest mathematical and scientific discoveries from Indians and preserved them till Europe emerged out of the dark ages to propagate it further. Without them, I presume the amount of progress and prosperity the world is witnessing today, especially in the fields of maths, engineering, science and technology, wouldn't have been possible. We all owe them!

The Shariat law was not made to seem inhuman & barbaric without a reason. It was made so because, it would have acted as a deterrent for people to even think of doing a crime. Linking it with religion made majority of the population think of it as an obligation to the divine, not to commit a crime.

Islam prohibited loans with interest for a noble reason. To prevent conflict because once one doesn't repay it, it spoils relations between the borrower and lender be it a family member or a close friend or anyone for the matter of fact. It also prevented exploitation of others for one's own profit.

The brotherhood of Muslims was created to stop conflicts. So that, people could live peacefully, treat everyone equally but unique to India even Muslims have castes, discriminating each other by the kind of jobs they do. Sadly due to orthodoxy, lack of self introspection and the wrong interpretations of heretics the words of Allah Sunnatullah through the great Prophet Muhammad have been lost in or got deteriorated with time...

I speak of all of this not to offend anyone, it's just to bring a point to everyone's notice which we all might have noticed yet ignored. The acts of a small fraction of the Muslim community is bringing bad name, creating problems and numerous difficulties to the majority of the good Muslims who after all are normal people who want a normal peaceful life away from all this...... To lead a simple fruitful life.

I still get to read about multinational companies, factories, etc denying a person a job because he is a Muslim or not willing to rent their house to Muslims. Stating ridiculous reasons like they don't have a problem with the person being a Muslim but the real problem is them eating non-vegetarian food. While their own kids hide from them and have non-vegetarian food with their friends. Muslims being lynched for undue reasons. Muslims subject to embarrassing pat-downs(frisking) at the Airports or elsewhere. Suspicious glances for their beards, skull caps, hijabs, etc. The problem is worse for a Kashmiri Muslim. Not only do they get harassed and discriminated by people from other religion, even Muslims from other regions prefer not to have anything to do with them. @thanks to terrorism in J&K.

And we wonder why Kashmiri separatists have any support? 

Kashmiri muslims feel unwelcome in other parts of their own country. Not just India, things are so anywhere in the world for a Muslim in USA, Israel, UK, France, Germany, Australia, China, Myanmar, etc maybe not always but at some point of time or other. If this constant bias goes on even the good Muslims might become vulnerable with all that frustration built up, to be easily brainwashed by radicals that, the whole world is conspiring against Islam. Our actions might just turn it into a vicious cycle.

Any major incident(you know of what type!) and anyone could very well anticipate, next thing who will be pointed out at and blamed for it...

The choice is and has always been ours, it is individuals who make up this society and not the other way around. So choose wisely, educate others before their misconceptions cause more problems!

True secularism is best depicted in Dr. Abdul Kalam.
When religion is one of the biggest issues in the subcontinent he, stood apart. He had respect from people of all faiths alike. I don't think his religious belief became a barrier for his career or for his approach towards other people. He considered it a personal affair and treated all alike as humans and in turn was treated and respected in the same manner by others too. Maybe he never mentioned it but I am sure he must have also felt some discrimination at some point in his life but he never brought it up, therein lies his greatness.

Imagine the, communists, the leftist and the rightist, the Hindu nationals, the Orthodox Islamic & Sikh outfits, the high commissioner of Pakistan, the mostly anti-Tamil Sinhalese government alike everyone came to pay their last respects to him. The sense of loss Indians & others felt at his demise transcends division of caste, region, religion, language, political affiliation or even nationalities.
This emotional unity in an extremely diverse India is rare in peacetime.

India's defacto norm is acceptance and taking the best of the rest and changing with changing times. Only when you are progressive, open to new ideas can you survive and be successful, not just for others to look at but from within.
Indians have no particular racial type they just have tendencies toward different racial groups. Over time this became rigid and separate identities developed. In order to make our society truly inclusive we should take some lessons from our early ancestors. Great, adventurous people who let their bloodline mix so much. :P
Hence get out there and marry some person from a completely opposite background. That's how we will have a strong, united, unique and progressive culture.

Can I ask you a few questions?

Muslims believe that all  Muslims are equal in the eyes of Allah that no Muslim is superior or inferior,  the concept of universal brotherhood, but why is it not so for women? Are they not Muslims are they inferior Muslims, are Shias inferior to Sunnis? Is any pious, good human being who believes in god and lives a humble, honest life not a Muslim himself? No matter by what name he addresses his God as.

As for Hindus, they believe that God is part of all humans and he is omnipresent, but if they were true to their belief why don't they ever incorporate it in the real world? In that sense even Christians, Muslims, Jews, Buddhist, etc have God in them. But before that the women, dalits or shudras also have God in them. Why not accept that?

What can we do? 

It really needs nothing more than common sense and open mindedness... Most conflicts in the world are because we don't see what is there right in front of us, we don't listen to what our conscience says and instead we choose to listen to some orthodox, obnoxious hypocrite who is a self proclaimed authority in all matters of our relidio-spiritual life.

Personally I do NOT believe that any religion is superior to another, they are different routes to the same destination. Like, 'life ultimately ends with death, it is up to us to choose which path to follow to our final destination.' Of course sometimes circumstances do force us to choose a path not of our liking, but that is not always the case. If someone really wants to show his religion is superior why not just show your respect and acceptance of other religions and their beliefs. I am sure  someone who sees these qualities would himself want to convert to your religion and won't need violence or economic sops to do so. The latter two can make a person switch sides as a matter of time and circumstances while the former method would be a more permanent conversion.

                             

PS: So far, most of what I have written in this post and the earlier ones has been limited to Muslims and Hindus, because being an Indian these are the two major communities that you come across. If you are wise enough you can relate to this, no matter which religion you follow or which region of the world you belong to.

I never intended to offend anyone by this post, It is my own personal perspective and I am open to your differing views, if any.

http://theworldthroughtheeyesofthewhitetiger.blogspot.com/2015/11/good-muslim-bad-muslim-the-real-musallmaan.html

This is my effort to spread the message. In case you like it, please share the link ^.^ with as many as you can. Let's make it the Secular Jihad !

The Dream: Before the confluence of rivers...

The story continues from @ Not just another Dream! (Click) that is, when we decided to meet in the subsequent week.

       We were driving through the picturesque rugged mountain roads, negotiating the seemingly never ending hairpin curves. The mighty Indus river formed a youthful landscape paving its way through the numerous deep gorges and steep valleys along the majestic Zanskar range. It was a bright, sunny summer morning yet, surprisingly there was a slight chill in the air, as is expected when one is traversing one of the highest motor-able roads in the world. Barring the occasional Himalayan Marmot scampering across the road, there was no sight of any living being as far as my eyes could manage to see. 
Probably because, whenever I was in her company my senses were benumbed.

            In those particular moments, all that existed in this world for me was her. I looked into her big expressive eyes, they had a life of their own, she gave me a glance feeling my gaze upon her. She smiled and with her eyes I could sense she was prodding me, about what had been worrying me. Her expression turned concerned, I could sense worry on her face and I could stand anything but, see her in any pain. No matter how insignificantly minuscule that pain was, it hurt me if I had to lie to her about anything, be it for her own good. I decided to let her into it.

"It has been such a long time, this wait is taking a toll on me. I cannot bear this burden anymore... My biggest perturbation is, * not having you beside me for the rest of my life... * Nothing or no one apart from my parents mean more to me, than you."

           The smile suddenly disappeared from her face. I could see the concern in her eyes which betrayed the expression on her face. The pretentious look she always tried to put up, to look unconcerned. A strand of her untied, black silken hair with a copper coloured streak drifted on to her face, she gracefully tugged it back to its place, behind her shoulder. It reminded me of another time, many years ago in the past, when life was less complicated. I used to playfully remove the rubber band/ hair clip holding her hair together all day long and even when she was irritated, she always smiled and gave me a playful punch on my shoulders, asking me not to do it again. I wish I had known back then that, 'she' was the girl... The girl whom, I would end up loving so much in the future. I wish I had put in an effort to woo her, back then. Sometimes, I feel life is unfair, I realized a bit too late and in the dilemma of choosing between friendship or love, I postponed it further and she, by then had moved far away. Despite knowing how much I love her, she mistook what I did for her as something else. I felt she had a prejudice about me, that I had been a friend for so long and always shared with her, that relationship which had subsumed any other feelings that she could develop for me. If only she could, set those prejudices aside for a moment and judge me purely for my love, my feelings for her... Yes, I think ~friend zone~ indeed exists and it's something which even the Great Harry Houdini <-link would find it difficult to escape from.

                        

            She tried to say something but, nothing managed to escape her lips. Finally determined, not to be held back by her emotions she asked me, "Why do you love me so much?" It was an authoritative rude tone. Even I didn't expect it, a smile crept on my face. This was the same question I had been asking myself, so many times for the past almost four years. There was no particular answer to it. So, I gave her what always used to be the conclusion of this debate in my own mind.

           "Initially the reason was your eyes, then I thought no, it ought to be your beautifully sculpted nose which I always tried to tap, playfully whenever we met." I paused for some air, oxygen at this altitude was hard to come by, making you feel breathless every now and then. She gave me a blank expression. Ignoring it I carried on, "But more than how beautiful you are, it is the moments I spend with you, no matter how brief, they are very beautiful. Very memorable... I feel at peace, as if I need nothing else from life. Your presence gives me a will, a strength....  that nothing is impossible in life, a feeling that I can achieve any goal, go through any pain and it is also why I go out of my way to help anyone in need, anonymously. I see you in everyone, I see you everywhere...."

            I took another deep breath taking in as much of the precious oxygen as I could, "It is also because I like you for what you are as a person, after knowing you for quite long. Else wouldn't it have been love at first sight? I cannot really put it in words. It is like I always say, you ought to get into my mind to see yourself the way I see you, from my perspective. That is when you will really understand.. Why I am doing all this, despite your denial."

For a moment I could see tears welling up in her eyes. She turned away and it seemed like she was trying to muster the will to speak, she quickly turned back, to face me. Fumbled for words. She stammered a bit ( she always did that when she had a conflict in her mind and although I always teased her about it, somewhere in their, I loved it when she did that, even that added to her charm.) "It is not going to happen, you should forget me. I never felt the same for you or even if ever we are together, I might never feel so....." But her eyes betrayed her again. It did hurt me a lot when she said that.

            We finally had reached our destination. I stopped the car along the guard rail which are installed on these roads to prevent vehicles from veering off the road into the steep valley floor below. This was a small clearing off the road meant for tourists to pull over and click pictures. The air was still chilly, despite the bright, noon Sun. Apart from a group of adolescent Buddhist monks,clad in maroon robes, playing football in a nearby clearing, I could see no one around. The landscape was mesmerizing, just like it had been when I visited it for the first time almost a decade ago, on a vacation after my school exams with my folks.

She was totally spellbound, the sight of the brown muddy Zanskar river meeting the crystalline-blue Indus marked by their distinct colours, was indeed captivating.

I turned towards her, "We are like these rivers, very distinct from where we originated and what all we went through before we were here, at this point. We might come together or continue on our own, unique course... The outcome of either cannot be predetermined, only time can tell. I love you, not because I expect anything in return. Even if you choose to not be with me, what I have for you shall always be there. But I cannot stop trying, that is the only thing that keeps me going. I derive my motivation and energy from you."

She had a melange of expressions, of understanding and helplessness together. Her smile so perfectly hid the tears within, just as her laughter shadowed the pain. Yet, I could read her eyes. I continued, "I did all this for you becau...." She cut me midway. "Are you trying to blackmail me? Doing everything that you have done so far...", she asked.

            It was like rubbing salt on my wounds. She didn't even listen to the reason behind those actions. "That coming from you, really hurt. If I had to resort to blackmailing, wouldn't I just have done something more drastic, why would I go through the pain of not even telling you for so many years, going through the dilemma of saving my friendship or my love? It is only when it became unbearable that, I confessed. Why would I wait for a time when you were not with someone else, if I had been so selfish? Why did I just not tell you earlier what all I did for you? I still haven't told u everything..."

I was breathless. I gasped for some air and continued, "I kept all this to myself and just a few very close people, even some of my best friends don't know the name of 'the girl', I keep telling them about. If I really had to blackmail you would I not have asked our common friends to talk you into this? Would I have not poisoned your mind when you as a friend asked me, for my opinion on the guy you just started dating. Even with that pain I had been honest in my opinion that, I cannot judge him as I don't know him well enough to comment, about him.", I paused "Saying all that when I, myself loved you and wanted to be with you. Can you never try to underst...."

I stopped mid sentence. The conversation had turned so serious, despite my best efforts not to lead it into this course.

I finally blurted out "I don't love you because I need you, I need you because I love you. Hope you understand the thin line differentiating those two and what they mean?"

I paused, I had so much to say but this conversation couldn't go on forever. This misunderstanding had to be cleared.

I continued "Whatever I did was NOT with the intention of saying that, 'I did all this for you' so, I think, for that very fact you should be with me."

I paused again gasping for air, ”For me, it is more like I loved you and I couldn't express it properly, hence I did things, to show you that I love you. I do everything I do, because I feel like doing it for you and not for anyone else. If you have to judge me, judge me on the merit of my love, the feelings behind the actions and not the actions themselves. Not all are born with the gift of expressing themselves well.”
Taking another deep breath I concluded, "I am trying to learn to express myself. Given some time I will be better. This effort is only for you."

A small smile crept on her face. But her eyes showed her unconvinced stand. I looked into them, those intoxicating eyes. I wish they could take a peek into my mind. That all this was equally difficult for me.

And as if she just heard my mind and learnt about her betrayers.(her eyes)

She stepped ahead of me looking at the rivers converge, her back towards me, "You know I might be trying out some things in life, leaving the Best for the last. Now, I think I know where I might find it."

Her voice was unwavering and teasing at the same time. I couldn't conclude, if she was giving me hope or was it otherwise?

A voice spoke spontaneously in my mind, ** You might leave the best for the last, but that best might not last till 'your last' arrives, it's strength eroding with each rising Sun. It might not be able to hold fort for long. **

I kept this thought to myself... Lest she again mistook it for something else.

This quandary was tearing me apart, on one hand I couldn't possibly imagine life without her and on the other, it would be painful to have her by my side yet, seeing her unhappy.

"If...", I fumbled, but managed to say it, "If I don't tell you, you won't know what all I have done for you, what I am doing for you. You might term it blackmailing, while my only intention is, I want to convey how much you mean to me yet, if I don't convey that, how would you ever get to know?"

In my mind, I said to myself, **Iss dard mein jeene ka maaza hi kuch aur hai..** or as Manuel de Melo had put it, **Love, a pleasure you suffer, an ailment you enjoy.**

I closed my eyes. Fearing if I open them, this moment will be lost, this dream will come to an end. Now, only time can decide whether it will remain a dream or materialize. I can only pray... To my Omnipresent.

That was the last time I saw her, not knowing whether I'll ever see her again or not...

This was partly a dream and partly a conversation which took place in reality. I added what I wanted to say that day, I couldn't say it all, perhaps it was the chaos in my mind at that point, the way the conversations had ended up. I had gone numb.

One of those dreams which manifested from perhaps 'memories' after a real life event.

I wish you can now better understand and see this in a different light, girl. I love you..... Just give my love that "one chance" that's all I ask for.

I can't force someone to be in love with me. It would never last that way. I can only try to make her see what she means to me. I'm trying to woo her and win her heart with everything I can possibly do. Trust me, I am trying every day. Even I don't know from where I get the strength to carry on...
Love probably, explains most of it.

This story isn't over. There is more to it... although that part is yet to happen.
It has been many painful months since I last met her (that is the events of this post.)

I am still trying to convince her. Hoping for a miracle. I could do with some prayers, by you guys!
Thanks. :)

New update: The story continues @  Dream: The Love that is and the Love that never was...(Click)

Fear: What it is for me...

Everyone has a 'dream', something they always wanted to achieve, something which inspires such passion, that nothing else matters when it comes to that. They would do absolutely anything and everything in their power to achieve it.
Without it they lose the meaning of their lives.

I had two such dreams. I realized one too late, and went in pursuit of it. And then I couldn't leave it, it dragged me along, I kept holding on to it. It meant my life to me. It became painful, exhausting but it also gave me a pleasure I had never experienced. Soon, it had become everything for me. How could I have, just left it after experiencing all that?

Even if I did let go of it, I wouldn't be able to forget it all my life because, I thought I hadn't given it my best effort.

I inspired myself to keep dreaming and to work hard to achieve it. Luck as others percieve it, cannot be relied upon.

Then what is 'luck' for me?

It is hard-work meeting opportunity.

I believed that, I could achieve anything provided I put in an effort. Giving, my best effort to whatever I planned to do.

No, the dreams were neither about money nor did they have anything to do with power. Those are things that matter to most people. Not me, those don't fuel my ambition. I care about humanity and love. Both, invaluable and un-quantifiable...

While being dragged along, I realized, I had another dream. It was equally important for me. I went on to catch hold of it, as well. The two dreams pulling me along different directions.
Till sometime I thought, I could manage holding on to both. I could foresee achieving one would facilitate me in achieving the other. Everything seemed to be working, as if, a greater being had planned my destiny, that I will one day achieve both my dreams. I was ready to struggle for it, take in any pain that life flung at me.

But, 'time' that bitch can completely turn the tide, to an unfavourable situation. Such power she ommands. 

Soon this pain started growing again. Tearing me apart. Both my dreams, slipping out of my clasp..
I felt the biggest tremor yet yesterday. My biggest failure in life, because it was also the first time I had put in so much effort into something.

I take it as a warning, for all is not lost yet.

Just when it seemed that life was starting to look up at me, after what I had thought was the lowest phase in my life till now. It showed me things could get worse. This won't deter me, each mistake I make, each step that I falter is a lesson to learn from. Preparing me for something worthwhile in the future, making me stronger. Nobody can set a limit to my life, I have the power to take control of it and set MY OWN LIMITS!

I need to take some difficult decisions. For holding on to either is difficult now. My biggest fear is achieving neither, while rigorously trying to pursue both. It is this fear that suffocates me. But, how could you choose between two dreams that matter to you the most?

I am not one of those who gives up easily, at least not without a fight! I'll put in my best and NOT just wait for a miracle to happen.

In life we shouldn't have regrets. It's not about winning or losing, it's about giving your best while you can.

I have put in more than a 100% for one of my dreams. So, I can not do anything more about it.

As for the other.... I think, I haven't yet given it my best. I'll not think about the fruits of my effort, for either. What is in my hands is to put a well directed effort.  I'll leave the rest to probability or some call him/her the Omnipresent.

I pray, may one of my dreams embraces me of its own accord and I give you my word, I'll fight destiny to achieve the other!

Amen...

PoLOVEtical science: Democracy

"Western liberal democracy is the final form of human government."

-Francis Fukuyama

But I would disagree, a democracy is a constantly evolving phenomena, it evolves according to situations and needs. While there are various nations practicing many diverse forms of democracy, they all have something in common. The basic concept of, "A government of the people, by the people, and for the people", as famously stated by, Abe Lincoln.

Going by the many debates over the years, one question keeps cropping up.

Should a democracy only take the opinion of the majority? by imposing their choices on the minority in the name of greater good of the whole nation?

I'll put it this way. Any minority forms an important part of a nation. They are just like any other group of people with a different perspective. If we didn't have difference of opinion on a matter, we wouldn't know what was the other alternative? Just like, there is a food web and the more diverse it is the better it is for the ecosystem, there are people with diverse views in the world. The more diverse it is, the better the world gets. As the contribution of each unique perspective helps in providing a platform for the growth and evolution of new ideas transforming the human civilization into something better.
Be it people with a straight orientation, lesbians, gays, transgender, bisexuals, asexual people or be it leftist, rightist, centrists  or be it Christians, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists or simply both men and women, they all together make this world a  constantly evolving entity. Anything that is stagnant is  symbolic of death.

So who am I in this vast universe to say what is good and what is bad? Everything that exists is good in its own way. Can one appreciate happiness, without knowing what pain is?

Hence how can we justify the imposition of, the ideology, of any majority on the whole population at the cost of the right to freedom of opinion of the minorities of any form? As there is a 'right to life', there should also be a 'right to freedom of opinion.'

Only then can we call any country, a True Democracy...

Likewise my love for her, is a constantly evolving entity. With time, situations and fresh perspectives it keeps modifying itself to evolve into something better. I am ready to listen to her perspectives and not override it by imposing my own opinion on her. Yet, I am helpless as she speaks not, about, what she feels and why she feels so, openly.... without any inhibition. Unless she does that, how does she expect me to understand the rationale behind her stand?

I can only pray that, she sees, what she means to me. And I shall hope, she doesn't misunderstand this love for something else...

Not just another Dream!

The story continues from @ Dream, Secrets revealed – II (Click)

Q. What is a dream?

When something is unbelievably beautiful or joyful, you wonder whether it is a dream. Often, what you perceive as reality is not joyful and so when misery is there, you never wonder if it is a dream. You are sure it is real. This is knowing the real as unreal and unreal as real. In fact, all the miseries are unreal. A wise man knows that happiness is real, as it is one's very nature. Unhappiness is unreal as it is inflicted by memory. When you see everything as a dream, then you abide in your true nature.

Q: What about a nightmare?

A nightmare is a dream mistaken as reality. There is no confusion in a dream at all. Keep wondering whether all this is a dream and you'll wake up to the real.

- His Holiness Sri Sri

                

The phone was buzzing incessantly. The vibrations made it sound irritating. I groped around my bed in the darkness, searching for it, unwilling to open my sore eyes. Finally having managed to locate it, I tried to focus my bleary eyes at the name flashing on the screen. But the light emanating from the screen proved to be too bright. Giving up on it, I decided just to answer the call and find out what surprise Santa had in store for me 7 days after Christmas.

I managed a feeble, "Hello".

The person at the other end hesitated for a second or two. Then I heard, " Hello, White Tiger? "

(Not using my real name owing to privacy concerns :P)

Oh it was that voice, I could recognise it anywhere, any time, no matter what state of mind I was in. There was no way I could 'not' recognise it. It had been months (which seemed like decades!) since, my ears had witnessed that beautiful voice. I can't even start describing what it meant to me. Flashes of memories that, I had shared with her came back to me. Her tall and voluptuous frame, long black hair with copper streaks, her big expressive eyes and that stubbornly beautiful nose. I was mesmerised.

I gathered my thoughts, came back to reality, "Hi, yeah. That's me. Is it Hitler?" (Name changed, Privacy reasons + she treats me like a Jew)  :-/

**I know parody hai, Gandhi ko Hitler se pyaar.** (Gandhi in love with Hitler, obviously I'm Gandhi!)

She cut me short before I could say more, "Where have you been? How are you? I have been looking for my missing friend, it's been a while now."

I didn't want to answer all that, what would she think of me if, I told her about the truth. (Though eventually a week later when she met me, she did bring it up again, and being me, I couldn't lie about things in front of her. In an emotional outburst, I blurted out the truth and my fears came true, she termed it as blackmailing, well that's another story for my next post.)

Flashback: 5 months ago

Following her "No", I tried to engage myself in some activity or the other. Keeping my mind occupied, forcing myself not to think about her.
She proved to be an overwhelming factor. So, I was compelled to go into a self imposed exile, away from all near and dear ones. Partly to get away from her and partly to seek the answers to my own goals in life, among other factors. In fact, it was a few months after that,(4 months later to be precise.) I had, by a twist of fate left my phone switched on for one whole night and forgotten to switch it off. Normally, I used to switch it off for the entire day and switch it on only for 5 minutes in the night to see, if there were some messages or missed call alerts. But that night I forgot to switch it off owing to a fever + medication induced slumber.

She had called on my number that night. I didn't realise when the phone had rung. I only happened to find a missed call on the display, later on. I had prayed and hoped all those months, in blind faith before that missed call. That, I wanted to hear from her, some sign, just any sign!

A sign, to cut short my self-imposed exile and come back for her. A sign for a green signal from the unknown, to have another go at it. I didn't want to just give up on someone I loved so much, with just one try and the subsequent "No", from her. I respected her opinion, that is exactly why I had just cut off from her without telling her.

Now, my prayers were answered, but I was hoping, it was just an accidental call because I didn't want this call to grow into another hope which could get doused again. The first time had proved almost lethal. Eventually, my fears turned out to be valid. Thankfully, I had learnt by then, to endure such pain, by channelizing it out of mind through various methods. One of them being, this very blog.
Anyway, I didn't call her back then. Besides how would I answer her flurry of questions? She was bound to ask me many questions, till she was satisfied by my answers.
Back then, I felt, I needed more time to think.

Fast forward: to the Present

I tried to divert the conversation.

"I am at home, right now. Doing fine. How are you? Where are you right now?"

It worked she took the bait, " Glad to hear that. I am good, too.  Back in the city, came to visit my folks for New Year's, away from my hectic office life for a few days. "

And suddenly I had this feeling, was this another one of my numerous dreams about her? I had, had scores of such dreams which seemed pretty much real, till obviously I woke up to reality, which without her presence was more of a nightmare....

I don't know what got into me, I didn't think twice before saying, "is this a dream? Is this real? Can you pinch me? just to be sure.."
(I think I said, that line quite a few times. Now that I think about it, *Pinch me* sounds kinky! - yes, much to my embarrassment and her amusement, if that didn't creep her!)

She had a light laugh at it, "Hahaha... yes, this is real. I forgot you sleep early, I Just came back from a family dinner at the club. Happy New Year!" She paused, "Well we should catch up, I'm here for 10 more days so, I will let you know when we can meet."

We discussed some mundane topics for a while, though, I can't recall what we spoke about as, I was just listening to her intoxicating voice all that time. It gave my mind a sense of peace after months of turmoil. I couldn't sleep for the next 4 to 5 hours, lost in her thoughts. Still trying to convince myself that this wasn't a dream!
And when I did finally catch up on some sleep, it was a very peaceful one, a sleep I had wished for since almost a year.
I was unable to sleep peacefully, ever since, I first told her about my feelings. Due to my bad timing, she couldn't reply immediately back then and subsequently after a few weeks, over a phone call she had given me the most shattering verdict of my life, till then, her decision.....
"I don't think it can happen."

We met up the next week. I gave it another shot.

PS: In those months of exile, started the new phase of my life, a Renaissance in its own essence, but not very detached from the past or from her...
Yet, very different in terms of perspectives and attitudes, the phase which continues till this date. It's has been a continuous process.

I had realized my goals. I tried to use her as my motivation to work towards achieving them and also to find out my shortcomings and changed my mindset.  I changed every negative aspect I could weed out from within, to become a better person, a better human being.

This strength is conditional:

I could conquer the world with just one hand, as long as she holds the other.

She is my greatest strength as well as, my biggest weakness. I am trying to change it, let's see how that effort turns out..

The story continues @ The Dream: Before the confluence of rivers...(Click)